Marriage, in Hindu theology, is a sacred duty. According to the Shastras, marriage diminishes some of the sin that one inherits from birth. While few of us today are aware of what the Shastras prescribe, the feeling of obligation or duty continues unabated. Yet, given the overall trend of departure from religious dogma in our country, there are increasing numbers of us who choose to not get married- either in the so called ‘marriageable age*’ or even at all. The question then arises- how does the society deal with such recalcitrants?
If still in the ‘marriageable age’, a double whammy ensues- the family coaxes, and peers cause disquietude.
Inquisitional methods are applied, either to the face or behind the back. ‘Why isn’t he/she married?’, ‘Is there a medical reason?’, ‘Must have had their heart broken’, ‘Did no one find them attractive?’, ‘too selfish’, ‘must have taken a vow’… the list is as long as the contour of ignorance itself.
Beyond this 'admissible' period, the gaze of prying eyes begins to transfigure- from baleful contempt to inflated sympathy. Take the example of the 'unmarried bua (aunt)', a common fixture in Indian films. One need not elaborate further.
Yet, the decision of not getting married does not evoke as strong a passion as does the one of not having children. This is terrifying for society, completely beyond its grasp. Stupefied by incomprehension, the only comeback that can be churned here is one of pretentious sympathy. When one sees a couple beyond the ‘reproducible age*’ without children, showers of pity begin to fall. These showers become tempests as the specimen being judged advances in age. An old, gray haired, ‘childless’ couple is perhaps the strongest sympathy magnet in Indian imagination. It does not matter whether this couple voluntarily chose not to have children, or even if they could not reproduce themselves, are perfectly okay with it, and chose freely not to adopt.
Justice (Retd.) Katju rightly calls India a 'semi-feudal' society. It remains to be seen when and how we allow those amongst us to assert themselves without fear, who we have not allowed to do so in the past.
*marriageable age/reproducible age:
For men- not fixed, obviously
For women- up to 30; based of late on the largely unscientific myth that women above 30 have ‘complications’ during delivery
